This week, learn more about the Enneagram Type Three – the Performer/Achiever. Remember – the Enneagram is based on motivation, not behavior. This is why it is important to have a holistic understanding of all the types before determining which type you lead with. If you want more information on what the Enneagram is, check out the first post of this series.
Enneagram Type Threes are typically known as Performers or Achievers. Their primary motivation is external affirmation in the form of success, achievement, and accolade. External affirmation is tied directly to a Three’s self-worth. To be successful means they are loved. Threes are charming, fun, strong leaders and always buttoned up in appearance and presentation. They are masters at setting and exceeding goals. They love winning, visibility, and the spotlight. They are level-headed under pressure and unwavering in their drive and work-ethic. Threes are often humans doing vs. humans being, because of their drive for external success. Their drive for top performance and winning is almost insatiable – often working long hours to achieve a goal, and then briefly (if at all) celebrating before moving onto the next big thing. They are masters of marketing themselves, but in doing so, become susceptible to isolating themselves from authentic friendships and relationships, leaving them lonely and feeling unworthy of true connection.
The shadow side of Type Three presents as inauthentic- shape shifting to meet the needs and expectations of whomever can help them advance. They become a chameleon, eventually forgetting who they are, and can become lost and devastated by their inability to live their truth. Shadow Threes can become political in behavior and can be intentionally deceitful, embellishing and even lying about who they are to elevate themselves and impress others. This behavior is deeply founded in the insecurity that they are not inherently worthy, just as they are, and therefore must seek external affirmation in the form of success, to maintain their worthiness and feel loved.
As children, Type Threes were likely overly rewarded for good behavior which tied their value to doing, rather than being. This conditioned them to believe that performance is the only way they become worthy of love.
Threes are members of the Heart Center of Intelligence (aka the Heart Triad), meaning their responses and decision making comes more emotionally to them (as opposed to instinctually [Body] or thoughtfully [Head]).They are of the Aggressive Stance (as opposed to the Dependent or Withdrawing stances). In stress, Threes lean into Type Nine (Mediator/Peacemaker) and will either withdraw in to the Nine shadow side, becoming unproductive, conflict averse, unmotivated, and full of self-doubt, or into the Nine self-aware side – withdrawing to slow down and honor the self by taking a break and reflecting. In support, they lean into Type 6 (the Loyalist/Questioner) becoming more open and shifting their focus off their own success and onto the success of the common group, helping all rise. They slow down to be more thorough in thought and are more considerate of others around them. Wings of Threes are either the Two (Helper/Giver) or the Four (Romantic/Individualist). (Note – A Wing is when the primary Type might often display features of one of the two Types (or both) surrounding the primary Type on the Enneagram circle. These two types are referred to as a “wing.”)
Exercising compassion toward a Type Three: remember this – their need for external success and accolade has everything to do with the tie to self-worth and innate need for love. Although Threes are members of the Heart Center of Intelligence, they respond to stimuli emotionally first but quickly set it aside, not processing emotions because emotions will slow them down. They move into the head (thought) and body (instinct or action) center of intelligence quickly, to avoid revealing their vulnerability or flaws. The stifling of emotion is what leads to them feeling lost and broken when they hit their wall. The best way to support a Three is to help them understand that they are worthy because they exist; to encourage them to feel what and when they need to feel – and create a safe space for them to do so. Equally important is the need for them to slow down when visibly stressed – and giving them permission and the acknowledgment that slowing down is necessary and good. An example would be encouraging them to go home and spend time with family or do self-care when they are working too much. Pay attention to who they really are and affirm the great things about them that are beneath the polished façade – they things they do not realize people can see. A simple “I see you,” can go a long way with a Three. Remind them they are loved for just “being,” too.
Common occupations of Enneagram Threes include (but are not limited to) Sales, Marketing, Advertising, C-Suite Executive Roles, Entrepreneurs, Politicians, Lawyers, Judges, Investment Bankers and Surgeons.
To the Three folks: You are a human being, not a human doing. You are worthy of love just because you exist.
Remember – the beauty of the Enneagram is the universal discovery that “not everyone thinks the way I do!” This is where the seeds of compassion for self and others are planted.
In next week’s The Chic Guide edition, we will explore the Enneagram Type 4, the Romantic/Individualist.
A special gift for you – inspired by Type Threes:
Here is a Type Three daily mantra and Cardia-Barre workout my friend Jennifer Lynn of Fit Philosophie and I created that is inspired by Enneagram type Threes but is for anyone who loves to move and can workout at a moderately paced level. Thanks to Crunchmaster Crackers and Wise Wellness Guild for sponsoring this special feature!
If you find yourself wanting more information about the Enneagram, consider taking my online introductory course which will give you a more in depth overview, and provide a path to help you discover your type!
Whitney Ellison is a thought leader and coach of the Enneagram and Quantum Energy. Learn more about her by visiting her website, wellisonenterprises.com and following her @wellisonenterprises on Instagram where you can find all of her Enneagram series interviews and other comings and goings.
