This week, learn more about the Enneagram Type Four – the Romantic/Individualist. {Remember – the Enneagram is based on motivation, not behavior. This is why it is important to have a holistic understanding of all the types before determining which type you lead with. If you want more information on what the Enneagram is, check out the first post of this series.
Enneagram Fours are typically known as the Individualist or Romantic. Their primary motivation is to be unique and of significance. They are on an endless search to find their place on this Earthly plane, after a lifetime of feeling like they do not really fit in. Fours are internally focused and have a wide emotional range, although you may not always see it externally, because they can be fearful of rejection or abandonment. One of the Fours’ finest gifts is how naturally they can sit with someone in grief and hold space, because they do not fear painful emotion. Wonderfully creative, Fours are emotionally honest with themselves, and very mindful of beauty and sorrow in the world. They often live from a nostalgic place of the past, which is not always ideal, as this can cause them to miss out on the beauty of the present moment. Fours dwell in the melancholy, although they are not depressed. They see the world as brutal and beautiful at the same time (“brutiful” as Glennon Doyle, a self-identified Type Four would say), simultaneously filling them with pain and love.
The danger is when they move into the space of painful or uncomfortable emotions and do not fully process them, planting roots and becoming melodramatic and unproductive. When they come from this shadow space, they often become unable to accept themselves, and begin to pretend they are someone they are not, to differentiate themselves and serve their desire for significance. Likewise, when they are in this space, they never allow loved ones to truly get to know them, which prevents the cultivation of relationships based on integrity, love, and trust – what they most deeply desire. They also can become envious which leads to resentment and self-pity.
Somewhere in childhood, Fours likely experienced some sort of actual or perceived abandonment, causing them to feel lonely and misunderstood, and triggering that sense of unworthiness – that they do not necessarily have a place in this world like everyone else does.
Fours are members of the Heart Center of Intelligence (aka the Heart Triad), meaning their responses and decision making comes more emotionally to them (as opposed to instinctually [Body] or thoughtfully [Head]).They are of the Withdrawing Stance (as opposed to the Dependent or Aggressive stances). In stress, Fours lean into the Type Two (Giver/Helper) and can become overly needy and jealous. In support, Fours lean into the Type One (Reformer/Perfectionist), executing on their amazingly creative ideas with discipline and top-quality. Wings of Fours are either the Three (Performer/Achiever) or the Five (Observer/Investigator). (Note – A Wing is when the primary Type might often display features of one of the two Types (or both) surrounding the primary Type on the Enneagram circle. These two types are referred to as a “wing.”)
Exercising compassion toward a Type Four: Remember – Enneagram Fours are essential in the world, adding their touch of creativity, emotion, and beauty – which is just what we need. Help them see that what they are longing for was always there: the actual worthiness and infinite love they were born with. Help them shift from spending too much time in the nostalgia of the past to loving and honoring the present moment. Ask them questions that help them feel seen. Affirm that your relationship with them is valuable and secure – that there is no need for concern of abandonment or rejection. Honor their ability to feel every emotion and encourage them that what they feel is valid and has a place in this world. Allow them to help you and others with their gift of being present and providing comfort during difficult times. Talk to them about who they are and why they occupy an important and special place in your life.
Common occupations of Enneagram Fours include (but are not limited to) artists, creatives, designers, actors, directors, screenwriters, homemakers, writers, poets, musicians, photographers, hair stylists and art teachers.
To the Four folks: There is freedom and love at the other side of your pain. You are worthy of this freedom and love. Inhale the beauty. Exhale the pain.
Remember – the beauty of the Enneagram is the universal discovery that “not everyone thinks the way I do!” This is where the seeds of compassion for self and others are planted.
In next week’s The Chic Guide edition, we will explore the Enneagram Type Five, the Investigator/Observer.
A special gift for you – inspired by Type Fours:
Here is a Type Four daily mantra and yoga workout my friend Jennifer Lynn of Fit Philosophie and I created that is inspired by Enneagram type Fours but is for anyone who loves to move and can work out at a moderately paced level. Thanks to Crunchmaster Crackers and Wise Wellness Guild for sponsoring this special feature!
If you find yourself wanting more information about the Enneagram, consider taking my online introductory course which will give you a more in depth overview, and provide a path to help you discover your type!
Whitney Ellison is a thought leader of the Enneagram and Quantum Energy. Learn more about her by visiting her website, wellisonenterprises.com where you can subscriber to her biweekly newsletter, and following her on Instagram where you can find all of her Enneagram series interviews and other comings and goings.
